http://www.batterseablog.co.uk Battersea Blog - Wit, wisdom and random rants from the Janky Cracka Fool Jules Eden. en-us webmaster@tankedupmagazine.co.uk http://www.batterseablog.co.uk/images/logo_small.gif http://www.batterseablog.co.uk 106 50 Janky’s drug of choice has been more and more demonised over the last few years. There was a time when this legal high was “cool”, and all the kids did it. Now the Jankster is seen increasingly as a loser and a pariah for his addiction to his daily fix.<br /> It’s an odd world where cokesters are seen as high achievers, dopesters as free thinking liberals, cracksters as richly experimental and ketaminesters as wackily festival-funny…but the few remaining fagsters, are just boring ol... http://batterseablog.co.uk Mon, 29 Apr 2013 00:00:00 +0100 A lot of you out there have been pesterin’ Janky for his lucid and informed opinion on THE hot debate.<br /> No, not who would win in the Octagon between left and coalition. ( It would be left - as Balls has an MMA blue from Cambridge) or <br /> Did we actually win in Afghanistan, or was it a draw?<br /> Nope, of course it’s all about Mrs T. Love her or hate her, her death seems to have resurrected the 70’s and 80’s more than those cheap compilation CD’s that HM... http://batterseablog.co.uk Wed, 17 Apr 2013 00:00:00 +0100 There was a time in the past when this gray haired old Janky fool had youth but not the looks. Trying to get illegal substances at the age the 16 was hard for a Gang-Banga, especially so in the not-so-mean streets of Dorset villages in the seventies.<br /> Forget weed, MDMA, PCP and psychoactive anything, the drug of choice in them days was L. <br /> Yes, Lager. <br /> Such were my roots that the worst that anyone could do was order a pint of Heineken. There were... http://batterseablog.co.uk Sat, 30 Mar 2013 00:00:00 +0000 A lot of you have been writin’ dis fool about my fine “handle”- as I believe sweaty truckers used to call each other by in the 80’s. CB radio…those were the days…or maybe not. <br /> It was shit and we have 4G now.<br /> Janky Cracka Fool.<br /> Well I have to admit as a babe above the font, with the Holy Water a dripping off my brow, that different words may have been said.<br /> JCF came to me in a vision I once had at the Vatican. As the light poured... http://batterseablog.co.uk Fri, 22 Mar 2013 00:00:00 +0000 The terms “profuse watery diarrhoea” and “Her Majesty the Queen” have never sat well together in Janky’s world.<br /> I am sorry but there are some things which I cannot accept, that create the feeling of cognitive dissonance as my psych evaluator calls it.<br /> That stunned swirly feeling in the brain, dizzy even - when a set of fixed beliefs held for a long while are suddenly contradicted by new information.<br /> Like when you find that your Ma ain’t your Ma.... http://batterseablog.co.uk Tue, 05 Mar 2013 00:00:00 +0000 These have been in the news for a while. <br /> The latest episode of thatcompletely daftguy surely should win a Darwin style award. <br /> What can possess a man to buy 2 eccentrically coloured kitchen knives (I mean bright lime green for Gawd’s sake), then promptly hold them to his own throat outside Buckingham Palace. The Queen wasn’t even in. Doh. <... http://batterseablog.co.uk Mon, 04 Feb 2013 00:00:00 +0000 Janky has a theory. It’s a concept on “The Equality of Global Emotion”. There is a finite amount of happiness and sadness on this planet.<br /> For every lottery winners’ joy, there are a few million sadness tinged losers.<br /> For the death of every despot, the tears of his followers equal the joy of the new leadership who will have their hands in the till.<br /> When Bieber gets married, the caterwauling teen girls will exactly equal the sighs of relief of the te... http://batterseablog.co.uk Mon, 24 Dec 2012 00:00:00 +0000 In the last 2 weeks the English version of the Mason-Dixon line has been pushed to its limits in the press.<br /> Topless Darts/Weather in Norwegian/NewsBunny gob on a stick Kelvin MacKenzie has been proposing a Southern Political Party, as apparently down here we make all the moolah and have to give it to them ‘oop there.<br /> Quite why this NewsTurd is still allowed to have an opinion defeats Janky as it was probably his journalistic touch that ended up as the Levinson ... http://batterseablog.co.uk Wed, 19 Dec 2012 00:00:00 +0000 “Hey kids, were hooome. Daddy and Mommy have had a hard trip home from Vegas. Sorry we’re late.”<br /> “ Stacey… why are you so pale. And thin. Have you not eaten for this last fortnight?”<br /> “ Brett, get out of that pool of your vomit”<br /> “Jesus honey, what the hells going on here. The kids have gone feral”<br /> “OMG, Duane, there’s five dead dogs in the garden and absolutely no sign of…..”<br /> NANNY MacAFEE<br /> “Ca... http://batterseablog.co.uk Wed, 21 Nov 2012 00:00:00 +0000 Janky has the misfortune a few years ago to be ID thefted. Quite why anyone would want to be me is most odd. Having been described by a series of ho’s as a shit, fat, rat, abusive and worst of all – stupid, Janky feels he’s best left as the only version of him in the hood.<br /> So one day when checking his account for how much he needs for laundry that week, (more in an ill-gotten sense than watching his Calvins rotate for an hour) card gets retained. See bank.<br /> It t... http://batterseablog.co.uk Wed, 07 Nov 2012 00:00:00 +0000